Don't Assume You Know What Your Audience Wants

My friend, Vera Moore, launched her line of Vera Moore cosmetics at Duane Reed. It was exciting for her to get her product line in the New York City store next to Macy's. I stopped by to share in her celebration. I had just returned from a networking breakfast where the authors gave us two books. I was juggling my handbag, a small tote bag and these two books in my arms. The books were too big for the tote bag. It was cumbersome to say the least.

When I left Vera's cosmetic display, I noticed a table with a wheel in front of the store. People were lined up to spin the wheel to win a prize. The prizes were a Jersey Boys CD, a tee shirt, or some little souvenirs. If you didn't land on a prime spot you would get a plastic bag with a brochure. I really wanted the bag. The CD was good but I really needed that plastic bag to hold my books for my commute.

As I spun the wheel I was hoping it would not land on one of the prizes. In other words, for the first time in my life I was hoping to be a loser. And I got my wish! The needle landed on the white space and they gave the plastic bag as a consolation prize. I put my books in the bag and went on my way a lot happier and feeling a lot lighter.

What is the lesson here? How often do we think we know what the client or audience wants? We make decisions using our own criteria rather than what the audience values.
Why would anyone want a plastic bag as a prize? Because at that moment in time that was my most pressing need. I needed to free my hands.

A consultant friend had a client who paid him his entire fee in advance. He thought it was because of his good reputation and negotiation skills. He later discovered the real reason. The client told him that he always paid up front because then the company couldn't cancel his project.

People do things for their reasons, not our reasons.

Years ago a company decided to do business with me after looking over several proposals. I asked them why they chose me. I thought they'd say it was my training design or the price. I was stunned when they told me the reason. "We like you."
Wow! I hadn't considered that.

The next time you're preparing a presentation or going on a sales call, ask the audience what they want. You may be surprised by what you hear.

Taking Audience Reaction A Little Too Personally?

I read a recent article in Forbes Woman entitled, Taking Things Too Personally? The article written by Heidi Brown, talks about how stress makes people "touchy" and overly sensitive to criticism in the workplace. I started to think about my clients and how nervous they feel in front of an audience. I sometimes think we take things personally and give the audience too much power.
I often tell people "Get Over Yourself!" If you're focusing on your fear or sense of rejection, you're being self-centered. It's not just about you.

This summer I was invited to speak at a scientific conference about public speaking.
The audience consisted of scientists, researchers, physicians, health care providers, and a few performers. It was stated up front that there was very little research on the science of public speaking. I felt resistance in the audience who valued research studies and data. One man actually opened his laptop and started typing. At first I was concerned and thought he was checking emails. Then I told myself, maybe he's taking notes on my talk! :)
I was so confident in my subject that I knew I was offering value. It may not have been the message they wanted to hear but it was a message they needed to hear.
Too many technical experts read their research studies and clutter their slides with tiny print. They needed a new perspective and I was going to be the one to tell them.

During the Q&A session I was challenged a couple of times. I smiled and said thank you. It's okay to be challenged. It's fine for people to disagree. There were also people who loved my talk and how I delivered it.

The questions to ask yourself are "Am I in integrity?" "Am I speaking my truth as I know it?" "Do I care about the audience?" "Am I open to different opinions and ideas?" "Do I believe in my message?"

A day later, the coordinator emailed me and told me about one of the presenters.
A physician had stopped in the middle of her presentation. She said, "Oh, I'm reading my slides. Diane DiResta said not to read the slides."
Something got through. The message landed. As speakers we may have an impact and never know about it.

So...realize that your audience comes with their own expectations, experiences, and filters through which they see the world. It's easy to be confident when everybody hangs on your every word.

The real test is to stand with confidence and not react to every response from the audience. In other words, don't take it personally.

Does Your Audience Trust You?

On Friday morning, I heard Chris Brogan speak on a panel at the Harvard Club in New York City. The topic was about the New Relationship Economy and the Trust Economy. He said "we are farmers and stewards, not machinists". Another panelist, Charlie Green, said the doctrine of competition is poisoning the economy. "People trust people-not companies," he explained.

The third panelist, Julien Smith, referenced social media as the new megaphone. The reasons for trust are the same but the set of tools are changing over time. "We know what body language signals mean", he stated. "There is a new model of trust modeled online". If we don't answer emails for three days, the lack of response impacts trust. Each person left with books from the authors.

So what are the implications of building trust for speaking?
My first observation of this panel was the high level of preparation and delivery of the speakers. Each panelist spoke for exactly five minutes.
Embedded in those five minutes were nuggets of information and food for thought.

The event began with networking and breakfast and the presentation began on time. When the speakers finished, the rest of the meeting was for the audience. This style is Chris Brogan's signature. As a celebrity at podcamp, he believes that the expertise is in the room and not just in the minds of the speakers.
I would say that there was a good level of trust from this audience.

So how do you create trust with your audience?
1. Deliver what you promise. If you advertise a 9:00 start time, don't start at 9:15.
2. Create community. People bond around food. When one of my corporate clients cut back on breakfast, I brought in donuts. Allow people to mingle and make small talk to feel comfortable and connected.
3. Provide value in manageable segments. Trust expands when you respect people's time. Give them information they can use.
4. Share personal experience. We trust people who are real and who are most like us.
5. Involve and engage. Podcamp is called the "unconference". That's because the members of the audience contribute as much during the sessions as the speaker. A friend of mine shared a story with me. He was at a sales conference. During the presentation he raised his hand to offer an additional tip from his own experience. The speaker, feeling threatened, shot back "Excuse me. This is my speech." My friend was devastated. If you come from ego, you'll alienate the audience.

The new model of speaking is discourse not monologue.
When people can share ideas and opinions and they feel heard and respected, trust will grow exponentially.

Are You Losing Your Audience When You Speak?

Yesterday I attended a meeting about successful change in the workplace. It was about the merger between Bank of New York and Mellon Bank. The speaker talked about the importance of employee engagement. When there is transparent communication, and regular feedback people feel engaged. And engagement is directly related to shareholder value.

I started to think about public speaking. Your audience, in a sense, is your shareholder base. They have a share or stake in your message. But too often they stop listening and are more connected to their blackberries than to the speaker. We lose our audience because they are not engaged.

One reason the audience disconnects, is because the speaker is too verbose. Studies show that shorter audio recordings have a higher per centage of play through than longer audios. After 10 minutes people stop listening. The average song is less than five minutes. So in order for people to listen longer than 10 minutes you must have compelling content.

To engage your audience remember these three simple tips:
1. Keep it short
2. Deliver information they really want
3. Ask them for feedback

Present Your Business the Old Fashioned Way

What do email and snail mail have in common? They are both a form of communication, more specifically a form of business presentation. It seems like email is the preferred way to communicate. But consider this. How many of your ecards get through your client's spam filter? When they're busy do you think they read your ecard? Technology is great. We can now reach a global audience in seconds.
But nothing takes the place of the personal touch.

Today, a small business person approached me to learn about using a greeting card program. This program allows anyone to send a physical card in a stamped envelope from their computer anywhere in the world. He wanted to promote his wonderful art without being salesy. He realized that his ecards were cluttering the client's inbox and not accomplishing his goal. He decided to add photos of his art on to real paper cards as a way of showcasing his business and staying in touch with his clients.

People will delete email but they will open a personal note or card. The message you send is "I care. I took the time for you. I appreciate you." It's been said that actions speak louder than words. It's all about the presentation and the best presentations make a personal connection.

Uptalk is Detrimental Even in High School

I received this email from a high school student.

I am a junior in the Behavior Social Seminar program in Roslyn High School. I am currently investigating the perceptions of upspeak and came across your work in Ezine articles. The article was titled "Does Uptalk Make You Upchuck?". I was wondering if you would be able to tell me where you found your information regarding upspeak. Where did you find evidence that upspeak would cause others to have a negative perception of you? Your assistance would be greatly appreciated. Thank You. S.S.

Here was my response:

Dear S.S.

I know uptalk is a problem because companies send me professionals and executives who are not coming across powerfully.
When I work with them, uptalk is often one of their issues. I worked with one woman who couldn't get promoted to Vice President until she came across more powerfully. She learned how to speak with authority and got promoted.

In addition, there have been other reports about this communication pattern. I was interviewed by the London Guardian several years ago. Apparently it's a problem there as well. You can google them.

When I ask people about their perceptions of uptalk it's always negative. To sound authoritative the intonation goes down at the end of a sentence.
If your intonation goes up, it sounds as if you're asking a question. It's also known that a deeper voice sounds more authoritative than a higher pitch.

If you're looking for empirical studies you can check some of the communication journals although I don’t know of any.
As a research project, you could audiotape girls or women with and without uptalk. Have them say the same thing so that content is not a factor.
Then ask strangers which person is more confident, successful, etc.

Tally the results. I'll bet I can predict the outcome. This could be an interesting science project for you.

Thank you for contacting me.
If you'd like more tips on speaking you can read my book Knockout Presentations.

Best regards,
Diane DiResta www.diresta.com

Words That Drive Us Wacky

A Marist poll was released yesterday ranking the most annoying words and expressions. Guess which word ranked number 1? If you're a parent of a teen you already know the answer. The number 1 annoying word was "whatever". Coming in second was "you know".

Eleven per cent found the word "anyway" to be most annoying while 7 per cent disliked "at the end of the day".

Interestingly, there were regional differences. Fifty-five per cent of Midwesterners found "whatever" the most annoying while people from the Northeast rated "whatever" and "you know" equally annoying.

I explain in my speeches and workshops that there is a science of speaking. I show my clients what confidence looks like, sounds like, and how to speak the language of confidence. Now we have the data!

Using fillers such as "you know" can create a negative perception. I've worked with people who couldn't get promoted until they sounded more "professional".

Parents I didn't know emailed me to ask how they could get their children to "speak clearly" and not sound like a "cartoon character".

And, executives are not off the hook. Think about all the buzz words you hear at meetings:
"Going forward", "At the end of the day", "More bang for the buck", "I've got my ducks lined up", etc. It's so pervasive that people are playing B.S. Bingo at meetings. When they hear five of these annoying words or expressions they call out "bingo"!

The Wall Street Journal interviewed me about this subject. To read the article visit this link:

http://www.filife.com/stories/bad-speech-habits-can-hinder-advancement

If you want to advance, work on your speech. What's your most annoying word?

Politics and Presentations

Last night I attended a Town Hall meeting. The crowd was quite vocal and not at all reticent about expressing strong opinions regarding health care reform. Some people rambled, some got to the point, while others heckled. Then one college student approached the microphone. She was well prepared as she gave her name and her major. The young woman referred to her notes and stayed on message. When the crowd got loud she got louder. She never backed down and continued until she made her point. This student was clear, prepared and passionate. When she finished the Congressman stopped her. "What was your major again?" he asked. She told him. He said, "Send me your resume."

I don't remember exactly what she said but I remember her. You never know where you will find an opportunity to find a job or make a sale. This student wasn't there to find a job. but because of her passion and presentation skills she attracted a job interview.

The lesson? Be in principle and on purpose.
The next time you're going about your business speaking your mind, someone, somewhere, just might make you an offer.

Is Speaking a Mental Game?

We've heard that golf is a mental game. But what about speaking? Public speaking still tops the list of all fears. What is fear? It's a belief, a thought, a perception. It's not tangible although you can see the signs of fear manifest in shaky knees or a sweaty brow.

When you're relaxed you speak better. When you're fearful, your body stiffens and your mind goes blank. That's a mental game. In the book, The Inner Game of Golf, author W. Timothy Gallwey talks about how the mind interferes with performance.
He created a formula to explain how this mental interference works:
P=p-i. The quality of your performance (P) is equal to your potential (p) minus the interference with the expression of that potential (i). In other words, Performance equals Self 2 (potential) minus Self 1 (mental interference).

Gallwey discovered that changing the negative self talk actually improved his golf game. It's the same with speaking.

Everybody has the potential to give an effective presentation. The reason it's not effective is because of negative thinking which causes us not to prepare, to nervously ramble on, and freeze up.
Fear is not real-it's imagined. It begins and ends in your mind.
You can take classes, get coached, and read books. But when you work on your mental game that's when you take your performance to the next level and give a Knockout Presentation!